21378_445102182192119_1418995056_nI have an announcement to make, and I realize it will affect some of you more than others… I will RESUME dating May 2, 2014. Yes friends I have committed to a year of no dating. WHY, you ask. WHY on earth would you take yourself off the market?? I guess the best answer I can give is I’m not really my best self. I want to become my best self.

Andy Stanley is the pastor at North Point Church. He did an amazing sermon series entitled Love, Sex and Dating. The main point of the series can be summed up, “Are you who the person you are looking for is looking for.” I really had to stop and think, do I allow myself to be treated like a commodity, like something that can be used and traded out for something better or if he gets bored with me? Have I ever had an experience with someone that I later felt dishonored, indecent, or disrespected? Have I shown a lack of self-control on more than one occasion that I later regret? Worse yet, have I been someone else’s regret? What about you? Do these experiences resonate with you?

I have had a rocky couple of years where self-control and relationships are concerned. I want to believe I’m a pretty good girl, I don’t go to the bar, drink too much and have one night stands. But, I’ve also put myself in situations with men where I’ve wanted to say “no”, but it’s gone just far enough that I feel dishonored and regretful the next day. I’ve been wrestling with the issue of wanting physical affection (cuddling and hugging) but choosing a man that doesn’t honor the boundaries. More importantly, not having the self-worth to uphold my boundaries.

I recently took a test on a dating website and it asked questions about self-control. The result of the test revealed I have very low self-control. The blinders I’ve been wearing were ripped right off.  If I have low self-control, I’m probably attracted to and attracting men who also have low self-control. That is not the kind of man I want to marry. I want to marry a man who practices self-control, through which he will honor me and our family. Self-control is more than just saying no in the moment of temptation, it determines a path, and a pattern of behavior. Lack of self- control has led me down the path of being a commodity. There’s my answer – I am NOT the person who I am looking for would be looking for…

Therefore, I declare this the year of BECOMING! Instead of spending this time looking for the right person, thinking it will make everything better and my life perfect; I am spending this year becoming the right person. I will start by practicing self-control in other areas of my life; watching my tongue, time management, food and health.  Next on my list, learning about love the way God intended it; love is patient, love is kind, love does not envy, does not boast, LOVE DOES NOT DISHONOR OTHERS, love is NOT self-seeking. Third on my list of to do’s; stop being a commodity! Something is broken in my heart that I believe it’s okay to be used and traded away for something more shiny and fun. God has an amazing way of healing that kind of hurt and I’m going to allow him to do it with no distractions.

My dear single friends, would you consider taking a heartfelt look at who you are becoming and who you are attracting? If you aren’t happy with the people you are dating, perhaps I can suggest you let God reveal who HE wants you to become. Take this year off with me, let’s see what amazing things God can do with us, through us and for our families!!  Here’s to BECOMING!!


Published by: Lori Young

Lori Young’s passion for God and her love for speaking and coaching have combined forces in a powerful message for women who hide the most valuable parts of themselves for the approval of others. Lori comes by this truth honestly. For years, she kept her value hidden to avoid disapproval, rejection, criticism, and conflict. Through the difficult experience of divorce, heartbreak, and broken relationships, Lori has emerged with a passion to break down what she’s learned and provide tools to help other women re-emerge to live authentically and intentionally. She is a Certified Enneagram Coach and loves coaching one on one and in group settings. You can learn more about her speaking and coaching services at

Categories Dating, Divorce, Healing, Marriage, Motherhood, Single Mom, SpiritualityTags, , , , , , , , , 3 Comments

3 thoughts on “Becoming…”

  1. good idea ,i think we as humans have a need to be accepted by others and through their acceptance find fulfillment in our lives, a very powerful human need. in doing so we have a tenancy to jump to quickly into relationships without properly getting to know the other person,then we sit back and think what was i thinking. we must be comfortable in our own skin before we ll be comfortable with used to be that people dated,not the same deff. as now, for a long time. they actually had a chance to”fall in love” to learn the poss and neg of the other person and accept them for who they are. now we go through the drive through and complain that the order is wrong. i dont think God intended this to be the”dating process”. he has someone special for us all and if we wait i think he will bring us together.its great being in a single group to meet like minded people , to get to know them and experience life and support each other.If WE treat it as a “meet market ” that is what it will be.but i think first we must be secure in ourselves then we can share us with others and the foundation is begun…………………

  2. I love your heart my friend! Finding the amazing parts in us and letting them shine is a difficult task but confronting our flaws and decimating their control in our lives is absolute and true freedom! I cannot wait to see what you and God are going to do together this year!

  3. Good job! I always tell the other wisegirls on the dating journey that you need to know who you are first before you get out there!! You get better results that way. way to go girl!! Keep it up

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