When I was married
and stayed at home with my boys, I loved the holidays. I especially loved cooking and hosting our families. Having a home full of people, gift wrapping scattered around the floor, children happily playing with their gifts, grandpas trying to figure out how to take the toy out of the box, Dad assembling the robot, grandmas laughing together over hot spiked eggnog brought the greatest joy to my heart. I would often just sit back and take in the scene and thank God for this amazing family. I sit back today to recall the memory, tears dripping down my cheeks, because I know a Christmas morning like that is a thing of the past in my home. Our family has been split apart by divorce.
I slid quietly through the last two Christmas’s grieving what’s been lost. Last night, when I walked into my friend’s house I had an immediate Pavlov dog type response to the Christmas music. I realized I could either spend another month and a half sad or turn my heart toward anticipation and joy. I reviewed the options, being sad doesn’t feel very good. Sure I might get some sympathy and that feels good, but sympathy doesn’t heal or fix the hurt. Being sad is just sad and it begets a sad, lifeless 6 weeks, being bitter whenever I hear “White Christmas”, seeing Santa Claus, or Christmas Trees. What a crummy way to spend my precious time with my boys.
OH RIGHT! My boys! A truth hit me like a ton of bricks, Christmas isn’t really about me. I’ve been gifted by God with two precious amazing boys who fill my heart with joy. If I choose putting my energy into sad, I’ve got nothing left over to give to my kids. We would have another ordinary Christmas and give myself more reasons to be sad next Christmas. Knowing I’ve made a commitment to my boys, that I will make decisions based on the very best for them, I choose joy and peace. I’ve come out on the other side of divorce very well by making the decision to become the woman God intended me to be, it was time I chose to make Christmas the holiday God intended it to be. I choose to celebrate with the birth of my savior Jesus Christ with my precious gifts, my boys and my family.
Friends, I am announcing my mission to make the holiday season meaningful, joyful and fun for my family. Single and divorced moms, friends who’ve lost loved ones, friends who find the holidays to be a difficult time for any reason, won’t you join me in making the 2012 Holiday Season a mission for renewing joy and peace?
Please share your ideas for fun, inexpensive gifts to open for Christmas morning, activities for the weekends, traditions you have. I want to write about how making a simple choice can change a Christmas legacy for my family. I want to share my journey with you, and the fun new traditions I’ve started. Share your story with me, let’s take each other’s hands and sing White Christmas together with genuine joy in our hearts!
Authenticity Over Approval Blog 
This will be the first Christmas that we will have without my husband, my kids father. He passed away in June leaving me with 3 young kids to raise by myself. Not quite sure how we are going to get through, except for the fact that we will. It will be hard but I plan on doing the same kinds of things that we would have done when he was around. Also, finding some way to honor him during this tough time for me and my kids.
I love your blog by the way. It reminds me that I am not the only single mother out there.
Thank you!
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. I believe you reserve the right to grieve and just love on your kiddos. You are doing all the right things to preserve Christmas for your family. May God bless you during this difficult time.