Raw: Finding Rest When I’m Running

Raw, unfiltered, unedited and often a bit icky, I am spilling my guts onto the table directly from the pages of my journal. Everyone has them (yucky guts), I just like to take them out, examine them, write about them, show them to God and then stuff them back in – hopefully a little more mended than before. Because God’s doesn’t care about my yucky guts, after all, he created them and he’s dealt with a million of them, probably in the past 10 minutes , he’s just the guy to expose them to. Now you get to be the lucky few who get a peak at ’em too.

So, here you are. A little validation that my guts are yucky too… Raw: Finding Rest When I’m Running

Lord God, sometimes you slow us down to show us the important thing we are missing when we are too busy running, chasing, striving, doing, and pleasing people. I know you must have something important to reveal to me today, because you have physically slowed me down. Now I’m asking for your help to see, know and act on the important thing.

These words Solomon writes, they are so hauntingly familiar to the tired I feel every morning before my feet even hit the floor. “Everything is wearisome beyond description. No matter how much we see we are never satisfied. Not matter how much we hear we are not content. We don’t remember what happened in the past and in future generations, no one will remember what we are doing now. But I learned firsthand that pursuing all this is like chasing the wind. The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.”  Ecclesiastes 1: 8, 11, 17, 18

Chasing the wind. I’m so tired from chasing the wind. I’m so worn out from chasing a triathlon to chase a better body to chase a relationship that doesn’t exist except in my imagination. I’m chasing  writing and work, and now, all this running has literally broken me.

 But this, “Our lives weren’t created for the pursuit of pleasure, but for God’s glory. Seeking things ‘under the sun’ in order to experience fulfillment which can only be found ‘above’ will leave us constantly seeking but never finding.” Ecclesiastes: Finding The True Purpose of Life devotional

God, I SEE! It’s not the endeavors I’m pursuing, it’s the intention, the reason I’m pursuing them! You have opened my eyes to see the futility in seeking my own pleasure and fulfillment! Life loses all meaning in chasing pleasure and personal fulfillment.

God, if this triathlon ultimately brings glory to you, then let it be so.

If finding a husband ultimately brings glory to you, then you will bring him to me.

If my writing ultimately brings glory to you, then you will give me the words.

God, if my work, each task in my job, ultimately brings you glory, then you will give me energy, creativity, and power to do your work.

Peace, true peace has cleansed my soul and my mind! I feel free, unbound from the futile efforts to satisfy my own pleasure.

I breath you in and take in the newness of this discovery!

God, weave this truth and new understanding throughout my blood stream, into my DNA, change the way I think, show me new ways to live this truth. Lord God, transform the way I think and create in me a conduit for you to work through me for YOUR GLORY, not for the ultimate ends to MY pleasure. I can do nothing without you. Free me from selfish desires, endeavors and motives.

I praise and worship  you Lord for this rest even when I’m running.