After all this time… Writing about the impact divorce has had on me, my boys and mostly my healing. Writing about the hurts and the pains. Writing about the victories and joy. I never, ever imagined it would be read by the very one who made so many words tumble onto the keyboard.
I’ve known that words have power. I imagined the power given would be to the other single moms on this same journey with me. I imagined God would reach through the pages and comfort other moms struggling with loneliness, anger, fear. The power, it turns out, has been in the healing of the very man whom I called husband, whom I now affectionately call “the ex.”
We struggled for a very long time. We each had big, messy baggage we brought into the marriage. Married way too young and probably for all the wrong reasons, we made it through a good part of 15 years together. We fought infertility together. We fought financial struggles together. We fought addictions together. And frankly, we lost. The baggage became so big and burdensome, we just couldn’t carry the load anymore. As peacefully as we could, we said our good-byes to marriage, and now fight to co-parent well together.
This day, I will never forget. The day he stumbled on my blog and read a repost of “What’s So Awesome About Being Alone.” A paragraph, 124 words, stopped him in his tracks. “What’s NOT awesome about being alone.” He has apologized many times. He has asked for forgiveness, and his plea is genuine. On this day, reading this paragraph, the full measure of the man he is hits him in a most profound way. “Instant clarity,” he says.
God restores what is lost. What is lost? Him. Me. All of us, including you. The restoration of pain into healing. I believe this is the beginning of restoring the man and woman God intended us to be from the very beginning, before we started collecting baggage.
After all this time.