*Originally written and posted exactly two years ago, this was only my second blog ever published. I can look back now and see how much has changed – for one I don’t eat KFC in my bed, that’s just wrong; two, my bedroom has received a major cleaning, and three God has eased the pain of being alone. I pray for you that with time, God will supernaturally heal your loneliness too.
I’ll tell ya what’s so awesome about being alone – I can eat cookies and milk in bed! Actually, you wanna know the truth? I’ll eat entire meals of Kentucky Fried chicken in my bed, watching Hulu on my computer, in my jammies, just because I can and there’s no one there to tell me that’s gross. Wanna know another awesome thing? My room is a mess, a real big disaster. I have laundry piled up on the couch at the foot of my bed, my carpet hasn’t been vacuumed in weeks, and my bathroom would make an excellent science experiment for my son. I know that’s gross too, but there’s no one to tell me to change it.
Another awesome thing about being alone is the opportunities to take off on grand adventures. I’ve recently had some amazing mountain top experiences – one right after the other. Adventures including missions in Honduras, stand-by pass traveling to the East Coast, a weekend spiritual retreat with my Christian sisters, and finally, sideline passes to the Broncos game with my boys. Could life get any better than this? Truly a bursting with joy, touch the sky kind of experience with God. I witnessed God’s supernatural blessings for 5 weeks straight, He’s SO GOOD!!
It has been said that when someone comes down from the mountain top they are especially susceptible to spiritual attack. I was told to expect it after I returned from Honduras. I kept waiting, but I just remained camped on the beautiful summit. But it will never happen when you are braced for it. As activity and adventure slowed to a halt, returning to normal life, I was blindsided by frustration and discouragement. A heavy blanket of loneliness wrapped itself around heart. That same day, our CEO was telling us about a difficult experience and her subsequent conversation with her pastor. She was told, “you are under spiritual attack, you need your husband to be protecting you in prayer before you leave the house in the morning.”
Now let me tell you what’s NOT so awesome about being alone. Lying in bed (after a full meal eaten in my PJ’s) and realizing “I’m under spiritual attack and I don’t have that heroic husband to pray over me”. I looked across the full width of the empty quiet bed, the deafening silence in the room overwhelmed me, “I’m alone.” I felt it more than I ever had. My kids aren’t home, my friends are asleep, I’m absolutely alone and unprotected in this moment. I rolled over face down on my pillow and cried out loud. Sobbing, pleading with God to wrap his wings of protection over me and please please can you make it so I can feel it?
In the quiet following my tears, a calm came over me as I slipped into a peaceful sleep. Wiping the sleep from my eyes the next morning, I picked up my phone to turn off the alarm. A text from a dear friend reads, “I’m covering you in prayer tonight, I love you.”
THAT’s what’s so amazing about being alone, with God!