No Turning Back

No Turning BackAs he turned the corner and out of sight, I knew his first solo journey home from school would be marked in my memory forever. He’s declared his independence. I can never reverse my decision and he can never be little…ever again. There’s no turning back.

Isn’t the same true for me? Once I’ve proclaimed my maturity and grown in it, there’s no turning back. Activities, media, decisions, even some jokes are soon to be left behind. Relationships I once thought were okay have been outgrown. I used to be drawn to controlling relationships, out of insecurity I guess. I have become more aware of the dynamic that doesn’t bring out the best in me.

I’ve declared my independence from the childish things, things that bring a temporary satisfaction, things that don’t bring out the best in me, things that don’t offer the very best to my boys and I. I thank God for this growth, but it comes at a price. In a word; dating.

Dating: immature, pointless, unfulfilling, superficial, disappointing. If I run dating through the screen of my declaration of independence stated above, I come out with very little reason to keep myself on the online dating market. Internet dating is for a younger, less mature me.  “But why?” I keep asking myself. Everyone does it, it isn’t unbiblical, I’m not dishonoring God with my words or images.

The screenplay in my memory of my biggest walking up the winding path, through the trees toward home, alone, replays. He’s seen more in his young life than I’ve seen in my entire lifetime. Two divorces, blended family torn apart, and heartbreaks. They have gone far enough down the path of failed marriages and dysfunction. There’s no turning back now.

What benefit could possibly come from getting remarried, possibly blending families? Just to ease my own loneliness? That’s selfish. No, I know too much. I’ve learned too much. I’ve grown too big for this possibility. There’s no turning back. . .


So, that’s it? No dating, no remarriage, no more… you know?  In all this growing and learning, God has been teaching me to put my trust in Him above all. He knows the work I’ve done, my hopes and dreams for my family and most importantly, our destination. My hope must be in God, not in “dating.” My faith belongs to the almighty who matched Ruth with Boaz.

This is a new place of maturity, as me and my little family venture into the unknown together. We travel up the path to home with only the supervision of our heavenly Father. We are going to a new, awesome place. There’s no turning back.


One thought on “No Turning Back”

  1. Words cannot even express how much you inspire me to be lovely, kind, and most importantly, selfless. You have a great big huge love and faith that presses me to examine mine. You are amazing! And God is preparing for you a handsome, kind, generous, faithfilled, and faithful kinsman redeemer!!!

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